Hic!

Here's the way my personal ad would go:

"Are you interested in a girl who's hot?  (Then cold, then hot, then cold, then hot, then cold again?)  One who can pull out a kleenex at the drop of a hat for her constantly drippy nose, and who wears sunglasses for eyes that water at the slightest breeze?  If so, call me.  I enjoy having my port accessed, pulling my hair out, and oxycontin.  If your dream girl has one breast, no eyebrows or eyelashes, and if you love the sound of hiccups, we are a dream match."

Hiccups, you say?  What is that about hiccups?

Intriguing, I know.  I have the juices of many a man flowing right now.  Sorry wives.

Many people don't know that one of the side effects of chemo and/or abdominal surgery is hiccups.  I am finally able to eat spicy food, which I love, but these days, each time I bite down on a pepper I get the hiccups.  Very disappointing - unless you like that sort of sound across the dinner table from you.

A few weeks back, I was at the State Fair and I came across a booth with a guy selling a product called Hiccural, touted as "fast and effective relief from hiccups."  The gentleman, who happened to be the owner of the company, demonstrated his product for me.

It worked, which turned out to be less than impressive since he did not, in fact, have the hiccups.  But when I told him why I was interested, he kindly gave me one to test.

And, my hiccups promptly disappeared.  Apparently, just owning the device prevents hiccups.

I waited a while and then bought a jar of hot peppers.  This kick-started my duodenum into action, and I ran to grab the hiccural stick.  I pulled it out of the package, put it in my mouth, sipped a glass of water through the cleverly designed hole in the center (basically, I followed the directions) and it worked! My hiccups stopped.

Me and my hiccural

But wait.  This is supposed to be a personals ad:

Hiccural with red lipstick

I've had the chance to use it numerous times since then, and it has worked about 98% of the time.  I don't recommend it for people with regular hiccups and TMJ, as it does put your jaw in a funny position.  I obviously have more teeth than jaw so I can't hold the stick for long.  But, I imagine that's why it works, maybe it opens up the back of your throat or something.

Another plus in the dating world, if old porn movies are to be believed.

So, there you go. A product you didn't know you needed, but do all the same.




(Men:  I'm not really in the market, tempting as I sound.)