Surgical Chic

I woke up after my surgery with no clue what was under my bandages.

But, what bandages!

Whoever put these bandages on me missed their true calling as a contestant on Project Runway.  This week's challenge:  can you make something chic and stylish out of staples and bandages?   Why yes! Yes you can!  My new top is a combination of Sons of Anarchy motorcycle wear and a bit of  50s glamour.   The only thing missing is color - had the bandages been black, I'd be runway ready.  

I have a halter top.  And, a racer back! 

This style, folks, was deliberate.  My last bandaging was just wrappings.  There was no halter, no belly shirt.  Just foam and tightness.  I had big clips holding the thing together - this time I get these darling little punk staples.  It's a masterpiece, I'm telling you.  Somebody in that operating room is the next Carolina Herrera.

I'm almost going to be sad to take my designer duds off, but it's the only way to see my designer boobs. I can't peek with all the staples in my way.

My unveiling is Monday at 3:30 and I'll see how boobilishious I actually am at that time.  I have steeled myself -  I know it won't be great. If I can wear a scoop neck top and look normal, that is my goal. I've already noticed one improvement.  My armpit had been deformed, with skin and muscles stretched in such a way that it wouldn't flatten when I raised my arm up.  I had a very difficult time shaving that area.  And now, it looks like a regular old armpit, just like before.  I can't wait to take a shower and test my theory.

Recovery has not been easy.  Today I'm at that point where I want to feel better, where all the things I need to do are sitting there staring at me, calling me. (Did you notice the laundry on the dining room table in the photo?) Mentally I want to do these things, but it's physically impossible.  Yesterday, I didn't care. The day before, I didn't notice.  So, that is improvement.

The pain has been similar to the mastectomy.  On my left side, the doctor did cut through my virgin chest muscles to place an implant.  The purpose was to get the top "poles" to match in shirts, and that is extremely painful. I feel very much like I've been beaten with a baseball bat. My back, my ribs, my arms, my entire left side feels bruised and sore. There is no such thing as a comfortable position. Getting in and out of bed is the worst - I end up flopping around like a turtle on his back trying to get up.

Unlike heroic TV people, I am not capable of running or doing anything when my chest muscles have been sliced open. I guess that's a failing of mine. On TV, somebody like Michael Westin will get shot through the chest, and then in the next scene be recovering with bandages and running around driving cars and fighting the good fight again, so I know that's how it's supposed to be.

Me? I can't even cough without needing a pain pill.

The exchange on my mastectomy side has been easy though, the real pain was on my "good" side with the new muscle cuts. So for those of you who have doubles and are expecting your exchanges - don't let me scare you. It's not bad at all on that side, a little sore. You'll be fine.

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Just a little housekeeping:  now that Christmas is coming, those of you who will be buying stuff on Amazon, please remember to use my link to the right to search for your item.  If you buy it, I get 4% of whatever it may be.


Thanks!