Meet my boob

Or, in breast cancer vernacular, my "foob."

At some point after surgery, you are going to have to leave your house, even if you are lazy as hell, like me. If nothing else, you'll have lots and lots of doctor's appointments, so you'll really have no choice.

I'm pretty sure doctors don't make housecalls any longer.

Making a public appearance presents a dilemma for those of us who are rocking the uniboob look. The women who had a double mastectomy can just walk around and pretend they've always been flat-chested. Somebody is an A-, right? But, we uniboobers don't have that luxury.

So, what to do?

I didn't want to get a real prosthesis, because eventually I will have a reconstructed breast. I figured the old sock trick would work, but socks are scratchy and don't feel good against mastectomy scars. Cotton balls keep falling out. Fortunately, I was given a mastectomy camisole. Within that mastectomy camisole came some padding inside a pocket in the top. The camisole didn't provide enough support for my good side to wear regularly, so I decided just to pull the padding out and see if it'd work in a regular, unpocketed bra.

The padding, now known officially as my foob, fortuitously came with an opening in the back. You can pull the stuffing right out of it, to make it match your other side. And, as you go through the fill process, you can pull more and more stuffing out to get the best match. Not only that, but if you turn it right side up, you get a perky boob. If you turn it upside down, you get a saggier boob.

I'll leave you to guess which way I turn it.

As I mentioned in my post about post-mastectomy purchase recommendations, I bought some Spanx Bra-lleluja all-hosiery bras. No, these bra-lleluja's are not lacy little confections that peek out under your clothing, making any man who catches a glimpse lose his mind with the desire to see what else is under there.

Trust me, he'd be sorely disappointed if he did see what else is under there.

Although, I have heard of amputation fetishes, so maybe you'd get lucky enough to find that guy.

What these bras are is super comfortable on scars, on nerve-damaged skin and easy on/easy off with no reaching around the back. And, they have a large cup area, for a foob. No chance of it falling out, even without a pocket.

It's working beautifully. I have a near perfect match. The only problem is sometimes it tends to ride up to the top of the bra and I get slightly uneven results, which I'm sure only I notice. And, if you see me and notice, please don't destroy my illusions. I've found wearing patterned shirts offsets some of the discordancy when creepage occurs.

Maybe a little clothing tape will fix it, I haven't tried that yet.

Meet my foob:



Oh wait, something is missing.



Yes, that is a skittle. We mastectomy patients are nothing if not resourceful.

I only wish I'd had some pepperoni for the areola. Maybe we'll have pizza tonight.


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