On hold

No, I'm not on hold with a doctor.

My life feels like it's on hold, especially when it comes to my physical appearance. I'm a bit of a fashionista and I love to shop - but now?

What's the point?

I was going to bra shop, ...well, now I can't. Will I have two breasts in October? Will I have one? Why spend $200.00 for something I may not need?

I had planned on purchasing some new clothes for the new school/work year - now I can't. What will my figure be like? Not only don't I know if I'll have breasts or not, but will I gain weight from steroids, or lose weight from chemotherapy-induced vomiting?

My hair needs to be colored again. Should I bother? I pay $110.00. What if they want to do chemo first to shrink the tumor? Will I have hair in three weeks?

Hell, I'm due for my botox and I don't know if I should even get that. If you have no eyebrows - does it matter?

It's hard to make a decision about anything physical without any answers.

My anniversary is coming up this week and my husband and I are going to a swanky restaurant. I usually splurge on a new dress for the occasion - but it would be a waste of money now, right? I might only get to wear it once.

And, what about money? Who knows how much I'll be able to work?

It's hard to be in limbo. I've always tried to dress nice for work to set a professional example for the students, but lately I'm pretty much in jeans. Nice jeans, but jeans nonetheless.  There's no dress code for me, after all. Why bother?

I guess I gave up.

The other day I was "too tired to cook" (also known as playing the cancer card) so we went out to eat. We came home and I saw a box on my doorstep.

Zappos!

I hadn't bought any shoes; I'm not buying anything. Did my husband? Nah, he wouldn't buy me shoes, he'd never be able to figure out what size.

Puzzled, I open the box and find the most gorgeous, hot shoes you've ever seen inside.

Those shoes gave me my mojo back.

Not because they are so pretty, but because they were from friends who care about me. Cancer can't take that away.

Emily, I know it was your idea, and thanks so much!